Oct 15, 2009

OSS # 175: Closet

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The Gay Guy, His Pride and The Closet

I found out that last October 11 was the National Coming Out Day. I find it funny that I learned about this from a closeted gay man who fears effeminate guys because they may lead to his untimely coming out.

When I came out, it wasn't because I was proud of myself being gay and that I needed to let the world know. There was just a need to express the truth and a need for acceptance but there was no sense of pride at all. I have pride--being a reliable employee, son, friend and lover but not so much as a gay guy.

I guess that could be one major reason why a lot of gay guys are closeted. They perceive no pride in being gay. Can you blame them? As a gay guy, can you actually say something good about the gay community you live in? That is if you think that there is a community. Most of the gay guys I met before have this sense of alienation.

That is maybe why online encounters works well with gay guys. They find ways to reach out to other gay guys without the higher risk of rejection compared to face-to-face situations. Even if guys successfully maneuvered during the ice-breaker phase, cynicism lurks. Will this be a sincere relationship (whether friendly or more) or will this just be another quickie?

You know how gay guys are, right? They tend to be exclusive and alienating--effems here, hunks there, cute to the right, shrimps to the left. They are self-involved bitchy queens. Who haven't met a gay guy putting down another gay guy? Have you read those (yes plural) gay blogs bashing whoever for the sake of fun? Gay guys are also perceived to be hedonistic. Sex and the gay lifestyle seems inseparable.

Gay guys like superficial beauty. Capitalist have discovered the power of pink money. Check where the gay guy's money go--the gym, the diet supplements, the fashionable wardrobe, the dermatologist, etc. With all these negative stereotype, how would you doubt that gay guys find it hard to find long lasting relationship? I was recently congratulated by a group of gay friends for keeping a partner for almost two years like it's a feat unheard of with gay guys.

The thing is, we (including myself) have been those at one time or another. I'm definitely exclusive and alienating. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to him. If you have read some of my comments in other blogs you'll know that I can be bitchy. And I used to be a slut, in my own right. (It was a phase and I was told that everybody goes through that.) These are just some of the images associated with gay guys. Now I ask you, where's the pride in that?!

What are the positive traits of gay guys not found in straight guys? I asked this question to a friend. He said that gay guys are good with details. They work well in careers involving aesthetics, according to him. I can't help imagine the baklang parlorista or the gay fashion designer when he said that. I told him that there's a danger with this notion. Guys good in design or the arts may be labeled as gay when they are not. Or if you're gay, people might think you are only good in artistic fields but not in law, medicine or engineering. You may be boxed. So, I rejected that as a good notion about gay guys.

He further added that gay guys are resilient and adaptable, traits that are also common in most human beings, gay or straight, so those don't count. I was asking for traits unique to being gay.

I chat recently with this same friend who usually joins Pride marches. I asked him what is there to be proud about the gay community. He told me that Pride marches here in the Philippines are not seen as an expression of pride but more like a demonstration to demand for gay rights. He further explained that gay guys wanted to be treated in the same way as straight people.

If we wanted to be treated like the straight people, that wouldn't make us so different from them, right? Don't I need a special right, like how women, children and the cultural minorities are given special privileges? There is a difference between a gay guy and a straight guy, right? And won't this difference need a different treatment or set of rights?

But before anything else, do you know the difference? Do you know why one can be proud of being gay? Because if you don't, sorry...


citybuoy said...

a lot of interesting points here and i can't help but agree.

what i don't understand about all this equality stuff is.. if we are demanding to be treated like everyone else, shouldn't we be like everyone else? why should we be so different? i dunno. that's just me, i guess.

there are so many things with the gay scene in the philippines that can ruin you. but we learn to maneuver through its streets anyway. it's become a way of life. better a life in chaos than no life at all.

Niel Camhalla said...

Thanks for the comment Nyl although this is one of those entries I hope somebody would disagree with me in the points I raised. :)

Victor Gregor said...

Everyone deserves to be free to choose and to be respected for his/her choice. This should be true for both heterosexuals and homosexuals. We are not like everyone else, but we do deserve the same freedoms given to everyone else.

Niel Camhalla said...

I see, like the same freedom to marry the opposite sex. Hehehe.

engel said...

How could anyone disagree when the points you've raised are true and makes sense.

Anonymous said...

I tried thinking of the unique positive traits of gay guys I've known, and there wasn't anything that I can point to. That's because each person has something good about him as an individual, that sexual orientation has nothing to do with.

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