1:6 Sense

14. Optimism

2011-07-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do.
- Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship

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13. Devastation

2011-07-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Love hurts, love scars
Love wounds, and mars
- Love Hurts by Nazareth

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12.2 Fitting In

2011-07-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

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What do we mean to each other,
Am I friend, am I lover
Is it over now
- What do we mean to each other by Sergio Mendez

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12.1 Fitting In

2011-07-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

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I don't know when. I don't know how.
But I know something's starting right now
Watch and you'll see
Someday I'll be
Part of your world.
- Part of your world, The Little Mermaid

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With dolls and a vibrator, how could you go wrong?

2011-06-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't used a vibrator so I don't know how much fun that would bring. Just put dolls on the picture and you'll have me smiling. A mini web series combining the two surely sounds interesting, to say the least. The first episode already had me cracking.

I'm talking about The Power Object, a story of three friends and their magic vibrator. This was introduced to me by no less than the creator herself, Claire-Dee Lim. She's a Filipino based in the US. She noticed my interest for dolls so she informed me about her project. I appreciate her gesture. I appreciate her more for the effort she put in this project to offer free entertainment for us!

She filmed the series herself. Everything looks simple from the dolls, to the set, to the props but the jokes pack a punch. You don't need the coolest set design if it's not the point, right? It's the comedy! The props, even the characters, are out of proportions which added to the humor. Trolls as babies are way funnier that those cute Barbie babies, don't you think?

So if you're ready to lighten up, click here.

Espekulasyon

2011-02-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

OSS # 208: Blog

2010-10-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 207: Third Law

2010-10-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 206: Lifestyle

2010-10-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 205: Not Flirting

2010-10-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 204: Flirt

2010-10-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 203: Message

2010-10-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 202: Joystick

2010-10-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 201: Excuse Me

2010-10-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 200: More

2010-10-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 199: Something to Read

2010-10-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 198: Mental Orgasm

2010-10-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 197: What Else

2010-10-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 196: Then What

2010-10-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 195: Not Bad

2010-10-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 194: Not Here

2010-05-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Why have bread when you can have a salmon

OSS # 193: Barbie Smile

2010-05-06T04:23:00.000-07:00

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Joke of the day

2010-03-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

I received this message from a fellow Flickr member.

If it told me that I was disrespectful of copyright laws or intellectual property rights, I would have raised a white flag but that's not my point.

I'm just making fun of commodity fetishism. And that's the joke of the day.

OSS # 192: Ain't Over

2010-02-25T00:00:00.001-08:00

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I was having snacks with some colleagues yesterday and we were talking about our bets for the upcoming election. Everyone shared who they want to win and why. I realized how shallow our (yes including mine) reasons are. Some say they would vote a candidate because it seem like fun to have him/her in that position. Others would simply say "ah, basta" (I've made my decision and I don't have to explain it). If I was asking other people, I can take those shallow answers but these are my colleagues who I've known to have made careful and deliberate decisions. I was disappointed with even the most analytical ones.

I am not saying that we should not use our gut instinct. Sometimes its the only thing we have. We can never be really sure about the characters of those candidates. We all know how show business is intertwined with politics. Actors can become politicians and politicians show their acting prowess in TV ads. Heck, if Manny Villar keeps airing his political ads, my gut instinct might be swayed to vote for him because I'm a sucker for drama.

Other than our gut instinct, do we really exert, and I mean exert, effort to know the candidates? Do we stay up late just to watch those boring political forums with an open mind, taking into consideration not just their answers but how they answer? Have we reviewed their platforms? Do we even know where to get a copy of these platforms? Do we even know where to start?

I know I haven't done my part yet. I'm one of those uneducated voters. Yeah sure, I have access to the internet but I only used it to google for dolls and read blogs. Having that conversation with my colleagues got me thinking how stupid I am that I'm not taking this decision making task seriously. My future is on the line and what?

I have always valued my right of suffrage and took part in all the elections since I was 18. The thing is I haven't taken that seriously. I would only vote people I like based on the general vibe they project. I usually have lots of blanks on my ballot. It's because I didn't really study my options and looking back I think it was such a waste.

I'm not going to let that happen now. I'm going to visit the sites of the candidates, read and analyze their platforms, educate myself and eventually educate others. If I finally decided who the best candidates are, I will campaign for them whether I think they will win or not. I will start with my family. I know how my family really listens to what I have to say since I've been forced to take the role of the man of the house. I will tell my friends who I'm voting for and why I'm voting for him/her and suggest that they make the same critical thinking, not necessarily pick the same candidate.

My colleague said yesterday that we can't change the system. How can he if he can't even change himself? I want to change. The change brought by the first EDSA revolution would be wasted if we don't continue to change for the better. There's a lot to fight, and I'd like to start with fighting personal ignorance.

OSS # 191: Best Endorsers

2010-02-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

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OSS # 190: No Rescue

2010-02-23T04:04:00.000-08:00

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OSS # 189: Celebrity Endorsers

2010-02-16T01:28:00.000-08:00

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11.5 Witholding Task

2010-02-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

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Di ako mapakali kapag wala ka sa aking tabiDi alam ang gagawin at di alam kung san ako pupunta
- Hindi Mapakali by Maribeth Fagaragan

Now, I don't speak Spanish, Japanese or French
But the way that body's talkin' definitely makes sense
- Body Language by Jesse McCartney

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11.4 Witholding Task

2010-02-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

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I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurtin' me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my cryin' in the rain
- Crying In The Rain by The Everly Brothers

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11.3 Witholding Task

2010-02-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

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The true romance is the ideal repression
- Smother Love by Crass

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11.2 Witholding Task

2010-02-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

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I wanna kiss you
But if I do then
I might miss you, babe
It's complicated and stupid
- Love Game by Lady Gaga

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11.1 Witholding Task

2010-02-09T00:34:00.000-08:00

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I must have rehearsed my lines
A thousand times
Until I had them memorized
But when I get up the nerve
To tell you, the words
Just never seem to come out right
- If You Only Knew by Patti Labelle

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OSS # 188: Catch

2010-02-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

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OSS # 187: Lovely Bones

2010-01-25T19:14:00.000-08:00

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I call her Josephine.

OSS # 186: Nuisance

2010-01-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

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OSS # 185: Winner

2010-01-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

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OSS # 184: Exposed

2010-01-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

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I also wanted to post the original photo for the first frame (below) since I like it a lot. I found a poster type photo being sold in a local shop and bought three. They make good background photos. Here, Lolita looks as if she's touring her gang in this fab house.

OSS # 183: Nomination

2010-01-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

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OSS # 182: Democrazy

2010-01-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

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Sometimes All You Can Do Is To Look Cute

2009-12-22T01:15:00.000-08:00

OSS # 181: Martial Law

2009-12-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

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This is Fiction but I Chose to Believe in This Fiction

There's nothing like characters such as Gloria--people who'll require you to work harder for their own benefit, people who like to boss other people around, etc.--to ruin our Christmas. She did the same last year.

In my life right now, there's a few Gloria's I need to deal with. Two of them I call ate Ann Lee and kuya Tony. Well, ate Ann Lee works for a real life Gloria so I wonder no more. You see Ann Lee's contract with her company is about to end. The contract can be renewed but I doubt it. So she is pushing hard for a certain project (and she's pushing me along with it) because this project is her last opportunity to get some big bucks. Kuya Tony is part of the project and he's just in it for the money.

Ann Lee's term is going to end because her boss, which is also called Gloria, is scheduled to leave the company. Both their contracts are gonna end. Gloria's contract is not to be renewed because of a number of blunders she has committed. Right now, Gloria is allegedly sabotaging the company, so they cannot let her go because they still need her services to fix the sabotaged areas.

Last night a senator was looking for a rebellion, the rebellion that would justify the declaration of Martial Law in Maguindanao. This is one of those time I'll say that she should be careful what she's looking for, for she might find it. When you are in power, it is easy to stage a rebellion, a mock battle, a man-made disaster, a false need for martial law. It has been done before, no!
_____________

I have new dolls! One of them is the kid on the right. I plan to make him the love interest of Puypuy. I call him Noynoy. Puypuy 'n Noynoy, sounds cute! :)

OSS # 180: Discipline

2009-11-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

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OSS # 179: Beach Barbie

2009-11-02T23:45:00.000-08:00

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Puppeteering

A while back, I was talking about the caring side of gay guys. But we all know that this is not the only side gay guys have. The gay bitchy queen is a far more popular archetype. I know a lot of gay guys, who didn't have to be in drag, have channeled this queen at one time or another, including myself.

Is being a bitchy queen part of being gay? David Nimmons, in his book, tried to explain that another (non-gay) force is at work here. Let me try to simplify this time using (what else?) dolls.

Shown above are two dolls from the same manufacturer having the same quality but the blond one costs more than twice the brunette. Other than styling, the major difference that caused the price difference is the quantity of the dolls produced for each variant. Although both Barbie dolls are collector's edition, the blond was produced at a lower number. Rarer, though not necessarily true, is seen as better in the collecting community. Rarity is valued by a lot of collectors. It somewhat gives a sense of exclusivity. Other than the doll, limited edition doll manufacturers (not just Mattel) sell pride in exclusivity.

"...people in a capitalist society do not desire a product for its intrinsic qualities but desire the product as a symbol of some social value that is attached to it."*

In a (capitalist) gay community, guys with flawless complexion, gym built bodies and fashionable clothes are regarded as people of higher value. The capitalist society has thought us that they are better. Those who are not so lucky are usually given the bitchiest remarks a creative mind can think of. People then shell out their hard earned money for the gym membership, dermatologists and/or fashion boutiques to satisfy the false needs the capitalist industries has instilled in us with the help of the creative marketing people.

There's this local TV ad showing a guy having traces of femininity being crushed by a giant beer bottle. There are saying that if someone wants to be masculine (which is regarded as better), guys should buy their beer. I can't help think that a bunch of gay guys thought of that idea!

Nimmons adds that gay guys bitching about each other seems like a good source of entertainment (for the heterosexual crowd). This is quite prevalent in Philippine entertainment. The bitchy gay guy is always funny. I could only imagine this as entertaining (for straight guys) as two women clad in bikinis wrestling in the mud. Personally, I don't find it funny but instead hurtful. Still, it's a part of capitalism. If you don't want to be scorned... buy something to improve your self-worth.

This is not to pass the blame to capitalism for our bitchy behavior. This is to let us ask ourselves the next time we bash another person because of what he wears/owns or how he looks/acts, even how he speaks, we should ask ourselves first if we are just being dumb capitalist puppets.

__________

* source: http://www.blacksacademy.net/content/3001.html

OSS # 178: Carmilla

2009-10-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I finally have a name for my vampire Barbie. From now on, I'll call her Carmilla.

OSS # 177: Care Bear

2009-10-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Who Cares?

Insisting that there should be no difference between a gay man and a straight man (except the sexual preference) is like saying there's no difference between a man and a woman (except the physique), or between a white American and an African-American (except the skin tone). Although we are under a big umbrella called human, there are differences. Being different is neither good or bad, per se. We should even celebrate it. It is not saying one is better than the other. They are just different.

Although I try to avoid stereotypes saying gay guys are like this or that, there have been studies showing the differences. When we talk of statistical studies, we talk of probabilities and chances, not certainty nor absolute truth.

One area showing the difference between gay and straight guys is in their manner of caring. A study revealed that gay men makes the most caring and sensitive father. There will also be a difference with the children of this groups of people.

In his book, The Soul Beneath the Skin: The Unseen Hearts and Habits of Gay Men*, David Nimmons sites various studies showing how caring the American gay community is especially in AIDS-related causes like caring of AIDS patients and volunteering in lab experiments for vaccines. He also sited a study that this was not merely a case of taking care of our own. A study revealed that the charitable (time and money) contributions are divided equally between gay and non-gay causes.

A Harvard professor, E. O. Wilson, went as far saying that homosexuals may be the genetic carriers of some of mankind's most altruistic impulses. Evolutionary biologist recognized the significance of "helpers at the nest" in the animal kingdom. They members of the pack that don't breed but helps in supporting the community they belong to. Some are proposing that the gay community can perform (or is already performing) that role. On the other hand, there's a study concluding that "levels of empathy and altruistic values did not differ between homosexually experienced and exclusively heterosexually experienced adults."

I don't know of any similar studies done in the Filipino community. The results could also be different knowing we have a different culture. Whether or not statistical studies can prove that gay guys are more altruistic than straight men, or this is just a baseless stereotype, this is one stereotype I'd like to live by and be proud of without looking down on the other.

_____________

* This and my last two previous posts are actually inspired by Nimmon's book. I'm currently reading it at a snail's pace. Although, I don't agree to some of his views (which I find very CareBear), I still find that it's a good read. As a corollary, just because I'm sharing his views, it shouldn't mean I agree with them. I just wanted to share something to think about.

OSS # 176: Same Diffence

2009-10-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Thoughts on Molds

In my previous entry, I asked what can a gay guy be proud of being gay. I'll use my Barbie dolls to try to partially answer it.

Last week a fellow doll hobbyist and blogger, Dana, voiced her annoyance at the statement calling Christie, who is supposedly the 1st African-American friend of Barbie, as "essentially a white doll painted brown." It has something to do with vintage dolls, Christie and Midge (Barbie's 1st white friend), having the same face mold. I don't exactly understand her sentiments, but I do feel that she raised an important point.

I don't have those vintage (read: expensive) dolls so I'll use what I got. To those new to Barbie's world, let me introduce you to 6 of my dolls. The 1st two on the right uses the Steffie head mold. The middle two uses the Lea-Kayla head mold. The two right-most dolls uses the Diva face mold. Despite having the same face mold, you can notice the difference in the ethnicity of the dolls. I'm happy that there is an attempt to represent a diversity in the race but peeling off the skin-shallow paint, one cannot ignore that the same mold being used. It somewhat implies that they are the same when they are, or at least should be, different!

Growing up we were taught about what "man" (human nature) is and what is good/bad, male/female, imported/local and other binaries. You have to fit a mold of either this or that. If you fail to fit any mold, you are labeled a deviant or queer (read:bad).

When I first asked a friend about listing the difference between a gay and a straight guy, he was a bit apprehensive. He didn't want to box someone with a "gay guy" label. He wanted to be treated just like any other (straight) guy. We both know he isn't. I know a lot of gay guys who know that they are gay but still they are able to relate to being a straight guy. They don't want to be different maybe because we are taught that with being different, we'll pay a price.

(...like one-of-a-kind (OOAK) dolls are generally more expensive. Hehehe.)

One thing brought about by the LGBT community was a whole new world of study for things that are different or queer. Queer theory is not just about homosexuality. It challenges the things we believe as "normal" like the belief that heterosexuality is the only normal orientation, or the belief that gender roles are based on the complimentary sexes--male and female. It acknowledges that an identity is made up of varied components, like a man need not be an alpha-male to be called a man, or a woman need not be a feminist to be a woman, or a gay need not be loud to be gay. (I'm nose-bleeding here so I won't/can't elaborate.)

The rainbow flag has been one of the symbols of the LGBT community. It stands for diversity and inclusiveness. Ideally, the LGBT community does not discriminate whether you're masculine or campy, whether you're into open relationships or monogamy, whether you still have your penis or you're a transgender. I say ideally, because I am aware that there are divisions within the community. It is because some people find it hard to unlearn the things we have been taught. We are taught that some behaviours are right and some are wrong. It is hard to break a mold. Heck, you break one mold then you'll end up in another.

One thing I learned from being with a varied range of gay guys is to tolerate and accept others different from me. We learn to celebrate our difference. I also learned to question the "truths" that are imposed on me and to think for myself. Those, and a few more, makes me happy to be gay guy.

OSS # 175: Closet

2009-10-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

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The Gay Guy, His Pride and The Closet

I found out that last October 11 was the National Coming Out Day. I find it funny that I learned about this from a closeted gay man who fears effeminate guys because they may lead to his untimely coming out.

When I came out, it wasn't because I was proud of myself being gay and that I needed to let the world know. There was just a need to express the truth and a need for acceptance but there was no sense of pride at all. I have pride--being a reliable employee, son, friend and lover but not so much as a gay guy.

I guess that could be one major reason why a lot of gay guys are closeted. They perceive no pride in being gay. Can you blame them? As a gay guy, can you actually say something good about the gay community you live in? That is if you think that there is a community. Most of the gay guys I met before have this sense of alienation.

That is maybe why online encounters works well with gay guys. They find ways to reach out to other gay guys without the higher risk of rejection compared to face-to-face situations. Even if guys successfully maneuvered during the ice-breaker phase, cynicism lurks. Will this be a sincere relationship (whether friendly or more) or will this just be another quickie?

You know how gay guys are, right? They tend to be exclusive and alienating--effems here, hunks there, cute to the right, shrimps to the left. They are self-involved bitchy queens. Who haven't met a gay guy putting down another gay guy? Have you read those (yes plural) gay blogs bashing whoever for the sake of fun? Gay guys are also perceived to be hedonistic. Sex and the gay lifestyle seems inseparable.

Gay guys like superficial beauty. Capitalist have discovered the power of pink money. Check where the gay guy's money go--the gym, the diet supplements, the fashionable wardrobe, the dermatologist, etc. With all these negative stereotype, how would you doubt that gay guys find it hard to find long lasting relationship? I was recently congratulated by a group of gay friends for keeping a partner for almost two years like it's a feat unheard of with gay guys.

The thing is, we (including myself) have been those at one time or another. I'm definitely exclusive and alienating. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to him. If you have read some of my comments in other blogs you'll know that I can be bitchy. And I used to be a slut, in my own right. (It was a phase and I was told that everybody goes through that.) These are just some of the images associated with gay guys. Now I ask you, where's the pride in that?!

What are the positive traits of gay guys not found in straight guys? I asked this question to a friend. He said that gay guys are good with details. They work well in careers involving aesthetics, according to him. I can't help imagine the baklang parlorista or the gay fashion designer when he said that. I told him that there's a danger with this notion. Guys good in design or the arts may be labeled as gay when they are not. Or if you're gay, people might think you are only good in artistic fields but not in law, medicine or engineering. You may be boxed. So, I rejected that as a good notion about gay guys.

He further added that gay guys are resilient and adaptable, traits that are also common in most human beings, gay or straight, so those don't count. I was asking for traits unique to being gay.

I chat recently with this same friend who usually joins Pride marches. I asked him what is there to be proud about the gay community. He told me that Pride marches here in the Philippines are not seen as an expression of pride but more like a demonstration to demand for gay rights. He further explained that gay guys wanted to be treated in the same way as straight people.

If we wanted to be treated like the straight people, that wouldn't make us so different from them, right? Don't I need a special right, like how women, children and the cultural minorities are given special privileges? There is a difference between a gay guy and a straight guy, right? And won't this difference need a different treatment or set of rights?

But before anything else, do you know the difference? Do you know why one can be proud of being gay? Because if you don't, sorry...

OSS # 174: Power Tripping

2009-10-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Ok fine. I'm not gonna rant about the power outages due to the tripping of three Meralco substations even if I find it hard to look for the schedule for these outages in that damn Meralco website.

I'm not gonna spread conspiracy theories about GMA's plan to manipulate the election result next year with the help of this power outages.

And I'm not gonna be ironic.

Because of the brownout last night, we decided to go to the nearest mall, for dinner and then maybe coffee. We're just supposed to read, me with my gay book and him with his poetry books, but we got curious about this new version of an old movie. We have already heard the song Fame over the radio and we agree that Irene Cara has a better version. Instead of the book reading plan we decided to see the new Fame, despite that.

It is just me or is the High School Musical syndrome infecting a lot of teen movies lately? The thing with remake is that it gets compared to the original. One can't ignore that this is a Disneyfied version with its squeaky clean characters. I didn't get to see the whole of the original version but with the excerpts I've seen, the older characters had each their internal conflicts and character developments. The new cast looked like they lived in the land of Miley Cyrus except maybe for Malik (as long as he doesn't rap), Alice (as long as she just dance) and Denise.

As for the storyline, there were too many but none I can be satisfied with. If you like MTV, you'll love this movie with its hot dance numbers, funky costumes and a little memorable song. But don't expect more.

OSS # 173: What's Happening

2009-10-01T02:06:00.001-07:00

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OSS # 172: Read

2009-09-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Thoughts In My Life

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that "In My Life" is the first Filipino film depicting a Filipino gay man far from the images of Pacifica Falaypay without the customary sex scenes found in pink indie movies--homosexuality without the emphasis on the sexuality. That alone is a reason for a thumbs up sign.

Thumbs up are also expected with the caliber of an actress portraying the lead role. She was great and I can't argue with that. And I won't even bother elaborate on the merits of her performance. It's a given.

Another thumbs up should go to John Lloyd Cruz, for his endearing performance as Noel, so endearing I have developed a momentary crush on him! There were a lot of kilig* moments for me in the movie. Honestly, I have never found him cute before and I wonder why he often gets chosen for the leading man role. Now, I wonder no more. Ehem-ehem... serious mode again.

What I found lame was the unexpected death near the end of the movie. The character Shirley explained how I felt watching the scenes. I felt cheated! I understood that it was a device used to transform Shirley's character from the narrow-minded person to someone more flexible. The writers probably had a hard time killing Shirley's son with cancer finding it too predictable so they decided to just let a truck, that came out of nowhere, ran him over thereby giving way to Shirley's dramatic change of heart. That was shock and drama in one event but the I must say that it was just as ordinary as any deus ex machina.

Another lame part was the kiss! They built some hype about the kiss as part of the movie's publicity but what do we get? Definitely not one of the kilig moments for me.

Luis Manzano, as Shirley's son Mark, could have been great in the movie but the writers rather not let him act too much. A lot of subtext could have been used on how he found little time for his mother or how irritating it was for him to converse with his mother. Maybe the writers included it but it was a tall order which Manzano failed to deliver. Or maybe the writers thought that the audience would not read his actions properly. Then again, his mother failed to read his actions properly. That was why the writers found a need for Manzano's character to explain himself and the gap that happened between him and Shirley.

Characters in this movie had a need to explain themselves a lot, including Shirley's character when she finally decided to marry Noel (for his green card convenience). There's too much of telling when they should have been just showing. Exchanging of lengthy dramatic lines in movies can go stale especially when conversations like those doesn't really go that way in real life. For a story of a woman trying to grow out of her known convention, this movie failed to grow out of a commercialized story telling convention.

Oh, should I also talk about the funny product placements? Only if I'm paid to. Still, if asked if I should recommend the movie, I would say go watch it if only for Vilma and John Lloyd.

____________

*kilig - (rough translation) excited romantically

OSS # 171: Out

2009-09-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Thoughts on Coming Out

I always have wanted to come out in the open and go on living with less fear. I want to say I'm happy; deal with it. I've have been planning for a while for the right moment to tell my family. I've been doing a lot of things to please my family, painting to them a good image of myself so that when the "bad" news came, I have the good deeds to back me up. My birthday would have been an ideal day since I expect them to be extra nicer to me on my day.

But it's not really as easy when you grow up in a country where the gay image is haunted by the likes of Pacifica Falaypay, Maximo Oliveros and Bebeng Gandanghari. If you're not anything like them, you have decades (centuries even) of misconceptions to correct.

Another difficulty still is using the vernacular language. Saying "I'm gay" is a lot easier that saying "bading ako." Aside from the former has less syllables that can slide off the tongue with ease, the word "bading" has a lot of negative connotations in the Filipino society that are hard to swallow. There is no exact Filipino word for "gay". "Bading" and "bakla" are the closest. I went with "bading" since since the stressed 'k' is a whole lot more difficult to say.

For those who haven't tried coming out using Filipino words may find it funny why I fuzz with such details. Saying "I have something to tell you, Don't be mad, okay," is easy. You can take your precious time with a lengthy introductory note holding a listener in suspense, but when one is about to say "bading ako", a lump forms in the neck and saying it feels like pulling out a scrubbing pad out of one's mouth. And when I finally muster enough courage to say it, my mother went deaf and asked me to say it again! Tears are welling in my eyes as I force the words out the second time. I did succeed in controlling the tears. My mother didn't.

It has been a year since I 1st out myself to a friend. I already forgot how it went. I should have taken down notes. I should have prepared for the questions that were to flood me after my statement--questions like who plays the female role? Are you sure with your decision? Don't you want a family? Why? Why? Why?

Long before the relieving statements like "I can't do anything but support you," I should have been prepared to react with statements like I pray that you have a change of heart, your good looks (note that mothers are not the most objective people) will go to waste, I'm not ready to meet your boyfriend, maybe he's just using you and then leave you. I even sensed that she partly blamed herself for me choosing a guy for a partner when I told her that these days, heterosexual relationships are not as secure, pointing my separated parents as the example. I told her that their broken marriage had nothing to do with my decision, to ease her mind a bit, but it was a statement I couldn't really be sure with.

I couldn't imagine what pictures were being formed inside my mothers head at that time. I'm afraid that she would see me as a freak show. Words were not enough to paint a more accurate picture. Good thing I had photos in my mobile and showed her how normal we look. I even showed her photos from a charity work of some gay PEx members. She couldn't believe at first that those guys were gay, like me. I tried to tell her that she should trust my decision and that I haven't made a major mess out of my life. I also asked her not to pray for my mind to change. Instead, I asked her to pray that I and my partner will have a lifetime of a healthy relationship. I told her that nothing was going to change. I have been like this for so many years. The only thing new was that now she knew. That, I think, finally calmed her down.

She went home to Laguna and while I to QC. Later that night, she told my brother about my revelation. My brother texted me his message of support. It was one draining but satisfying birthday. One major fear finally conquered. A few more to go but I think I take a much needed rest for a while--like months.

Next stop: my father. But like the cliche goes, slowly but surely.

Temporary Post (will be deleted later on)

2009-09-11T01:26:00.000-07:00

OSS # 170: Punchline

2009-09-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Thoughts on Generalizations

While listening to another set of politically incorrect Top10 entries in Chico and Delamar's radio show in RX93.1 this morning, my partner and I were talking about how people formulate rules like they have figured things (politics, love, sexuality, religion, etc.) out. We laugh at the entries but we know a lot of them are totally wrong. A lot of people have a tendency to make generalizations based on the things that they have observed. Once these generalizations are taken as fact or truth, some are rattled when they see something going against this 'truth'.

My partner started saying that there's a theory that says, in a way, the choices we make has been predetermined by our past and the people around us. He was saying, in a way, that there is no such thing as free will and that we are already programmed to react the way we are going to react. This was something I was afraid to admit so I tried to challenge it. I was saying that a lot of philosophers (scientists included) based their ideas on ideal and over simplified system. I pointed out the Ideal Gas Theory, Adam Smith's idea on capitalism and Michel Foucault's study on prison systems as examples. All these are based on simplified models of our complicated lives. I explained that in engineering (and other applied math subjects), a margin of error is always considered. There is no exact correct value but a range of acceptable values. I was saying there is some unpredictable randomness that may have not been considered by the no-free-will theory he was mentioning, a theory which I can only guess is based on a simplified model.

My partner sort of agree with me as he was quoting someone saying something like 'there is something more important than philosophy--imagination.'

Of course, I myself make hasty generalizations about someone or something. Lately, I let the generalizations I labeled as truth be challenged (of course, I could be wrong). I had to, otherwise the joke is gonna be on me.

10.5 Waiting

2009-07-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I'm not living
I'm just killing time
- True Love Waits by Radiohead

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10.4 Waiting

2009-07-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

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In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone I'll wait for you there
Alone
- Like A Stone by Audioslave

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10.3 Waiting

2009-07-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Well, if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wonder why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And if I was, I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waitin' on love ain't so easy to do
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
No, I can't I always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool
- Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson

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10.2 Waiting

2009-07-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I've been waiting for you
All my life for somebody who
Make me feel the way I feel when I'm with you, baby
Have you been waitin' too?
Cuz I've been waiting for you.
- I've Been Waiting For You by Guys Next Door

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Dolls (A Short Webcomic Story)

2009-06-26T01:05:00.000-07:00

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10.1 Waiting

2009-06-02T01:14:00.000-07:00

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Ocean's apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
- Right Here Waiting For You by Richard Marx

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The Lady In The Water

2009-06-01T02:03:00.000-07:00

Let's take a break from counting.

The photos were taken last Friday night. The only chance I had to take the pics was that night. Pardon the poor images due to poor lighting (and of course my poor photography skills). Click images and links for a bigger version.

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9.2 Uniqueness

2009-05-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

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This is not your ordinary
no ordinary love
I was not prepared enough
to fall so deep in love
- No Ordinary Love by Jennifer Love Hewitt

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9.1 Uniqueness

2009-05-27T01:08:00.000-07:00

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When I saw you buying Cosmo and a hot rod magazine,
I said to myself 'Now there's a girl for me.'
And when I asked you to go for a ride,
you stole my heart when you said, "If I can drive."
I said, "How 'bout some music?"
you said, "You got any Merle?"
That's when I knew you were my kind of girl.
- My Kind Of Girl by Collin Raye

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8.2 Asceticism

2009-05-26T00:45:00.000-07:00

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So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
- Against All Odds by Phil Collins

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8.1 Asceticism

2009-05-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

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That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be good fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great i if was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
whether with or without you

- That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morissete

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7.3 Loving Love

2009-05-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I hate love
Cause every time I’m not in it
I try but I can’t forget
Just how good it is
Here I go again.
I’ve been hit by the bug
There’s really nothing I can do,
But fall in love with you
I hate love.
- I Hate Love by Diane Chase

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7.2 Loving Love

2009-05-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
- Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie

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7.1 Loving Love

2009-05-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I took the good times, I'll take the bad times,
I'll take you just the way you are.
Don't go trying, some new fashion,
Don't change the colour of your hair,
You always have my, unspoken passion,
Although I might not seem to care.
- Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel

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6. Change

2009-05-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

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It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
- She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

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5. Anxiety

2009-05-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I'm afraid, so afraid
That you'll leave me to grieve
Every night
And every tear will tell
The price I paid
I played the game of love
And I'm afraid, I'm afraid
So afraid
So afraid
- from I'm Afraid by Neil Diamond

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4.3 Affirmation

2009-05-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

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All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
- Way Back Into Love by Hugh Grant

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4.2 Affirmation

2009-05-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

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anata to futari nara
itsudatte
happy sad happy sad oo-ooh
anata wo ai shitara
itsudatte
happy sad happy sad oo-ooh
- Happy Sad by Pizzicato Five

Now there's not even breathin' room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin' love
Must be one and the same
- Cryin' by Aerosmith

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4.1 Affirmation

2009-05-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many-splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love.
- from the movie Moulin Rouge

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3. Lovable

2009-05-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I love the look(s) of you, (and) the lure of you
The sweet of you, and the pure of you
The eyes, the arms, and the (that) mouth of you
The east, west, north, and the (that) south of you
Id love to gain complete control of you
Handle even the heart and soul of you
Love at least a small percent of me do
cause (because) I love all of you
- All of You by Ella Fitzgerald

I love you for a hundred thousand reasons,
But most of all I love you cause you're you.
- I Love You Because by Jim Reeves

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2.4 Absence

2009-05-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

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But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me?
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
- No Air by Jordin Sparks

Reasons will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go
- Lovefools by The Cardigans

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2.3 Absence

2009-05-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

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There's somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me
- Someone To Watch Over Me by Gertrude Lawrence

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2.2 Absence

2009-05-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

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And she says baby
It's 3am I must be lonely
- 3 AM by Matchbox Twenty

Don't you stand there and then tell me
You love me
Then leave again
- Again by Janet Jackson

Dream about us together again
What I want us together again baby
I know well be together again
- Together Again by Janet Jackson

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2.1 Absence

2009-05-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I'm stayin', I'm stayin'
And you, and you, and you
You're gonna love me
- And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going by Jennifer Hudson

Because I can't sleep til you're next to me
No I can't live without you no more
Oh I stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
- Insomnia by Craig David

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window
...
If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
- It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion

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1. Annihilation

2009-05-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

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Buhos na ulan aking mundo'y lunuring tuluyan.
Tulad ng pag-agos mo 'di mapipigil
Ang puso kong nagliliyab.
- Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka by Ryan Cayabyab

Like a moth to a flame
Burned by the fire
My love is blind
Can't you see my desire?
- That's The Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson

Every time I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
- Drowning by Backstreet Boys

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0. Guide To Counting

2009-05-03T20:12:00.001-07:00

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And four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I'll start back at one
- Back at One by Bryan McKnight

OSS # 169: Acceptance

2009-04-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

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This is how I decided to end Puypuy exorcism story--with violence. I was thinking of going further by ending the fight with some agreement between the warring parties, like a social contract. But then again, things don't always have to end in a synthesis.

By Monday, the regular One-Sixth Sense comic strip will take some rest. A new one called "Let Me Count The Ways" (tentative title) will be featured--a spin-off of sorts. The dolls will still be used, of course.

This is another scheduled post.

I didn't go to work today. I had a feeling they might make some of us report for work on May 1. I decided to call in sick so I'll have an excuse not to go to work on Friday. I seem bad that way. I have something planned for Friday and the weekend, that's why. ^_^

Have a good weekend everyone!

OSS # 168: E-Prime Exercise

2009-04-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

I have two entries for today since I felt too lazy to post anything yesterday.

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OSS # 167: Dare The Derridean

2009-04-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

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Vernie, AJ, Mikhail and Lolita are 'exorcising' Puypuy and trying to make sense of her. Vernie used Wiccan techniques in communicating with Puypuy in the last strip but to no avail. AJ is using some geeky Derridean way.

OSS # 166: Who Else

2009-04-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 165: Postmodern

2009-04-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 164: Book Assignment

2009-04-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 163: The Quest

2009-04-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 162: The Others

2009-04-17T21:45:00.001-07:00

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The who?

OSS # 161: Bright Idea

2009-04-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

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For a while, I was thinking of disposing Cynthia and Kenny. I already had a goodbye episode for the couple. I figured some kid could enjoy them. I remember my partner asking me why would I just give them away. I told him I was just bored with them plus I find it hard to pose them for the comic strip. He then went on asking more questions which I can't remember now. What I do remember is that he seemed sentimental about giving up the dolls.

Not me. Some said I find it easy to let go and move on. They say you can't hold on to new things when you can't let go of the old. So I'm planning of letting go of some the dolls. I myself have this bright idea cooking...*wink*

OSS # 160: Forgiven

2009-04-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I see Puypuy is discovering what the net has to offer. So am I. Comic strip making time is being sacrificed for other online activities in my case. Hehehe.

Ula - The Catholic Doll

2009-04-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

According to some society Barbie promotes objectionable values. Because of this, in Saudi Arabia, Barbie is banned. A doll was created as an alternative to Barbie. She is called Fulla. Fulla reflects the Muslim values.

In the Philippines, an attempt was made to create a doll that would reflect our tradition and values. Some dolls would even have scapulars and rosaries. But these dolls seemed more like ornaments than toys. I couldn't imagine myself playing dress-up with them.

One-sixth sense unites with everyone observing this Lenten season with an attempt at a Catholic doll.

Pocahontas coverted to Christianity and so did my Pocahontas doll. I now call her Ula. Her face was reworked and her head swapped with a an articulated African-American Barbie.

Here she is waving a palaspas. Palaspas is the Filipino term for the (simple or intricately woven) palm leaves used during Palm Sunday. Some believe that once blessed, these leaves can ward off evil spirits. Dried palaspas are also used in alternative medicine.

She is armed with her own scapular of Our Lady of Perpetual Help, a prayer booklet of Our Lady of Guadalupe, a Holy Rosary, and the Holy Bible.

This is a Bible fit for barbie-sized dolls.

Click here for a size comparison with an actual Bible opened in a similar page.

Rainbow Connection

2009-04-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

Even before I was making comics, I was already reading comics. Well, duh! Aside from the likes of Funny Comics, Pugad Baboy, Kuyug and A. Lipin, I also read online comics. I haven't read a Filipino gay comic strip before. (If you know one, please inform me.) I rely on the web for my doze of gay humor. One comic strip I follow is called Rainbow Connection. I remember sharing it to a friend since I like it so much.

When I joined the DrunkDuck community, I got to interact with other comic writers including Candyman, the writer of Rainbow Connection. It was fun reading them but I enjoy it more when other people enjoy my comic strips. I was just surprised today that Candyman made a comic strip which he said was inspired by my comics. Happiness!

Read it here.

The Other Side (Part 3)

2009-03-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

Read the first part here.

(This is a work-in-progress. I decided to post the rest of the story in draft form. I temporarily disabled the comments and will enable it once I've typed "The End".)

Christan awoke to unfamiliar sensations. It mildly started as being pinched finely all over, to being grazed by coarse sand paper and then rubbed deeper, faster. He thought he heard steam blowing near his ears. An offensive odor added to his distress. It was reminiscent of a cat he sacrificed once. He groaned as he opened his eyes. This simple act felt like his eyelids were being torn apart after they were stuck by superglue. He felt something tear in his dry throat when he groaned. Nothing could have prepared him from what his senses told him. He was burning.

Overwhelmed, he gave out a loud yell. His lips had been seared together. Forcing his mouth to open suddenly caused the thin skin covering his lower lip to peel off together with the upper lip. Blood oozed, boiling from red to black. He passed out.

The burning sensation would not go unnoticed for so long. Christan found himself roused by the warm pain wrapping his body. He could see his fingers slowly burn to the bones. He curled but little bits of his flesh would fall off toasted whenever he tried to move. He tried to roll over like a dead tree to put out the fire but to no avail. He left tracks of burning flesh stuck to the ground.

Uuunghhhhh... Make this stop... Please... stop. Let me die... Let me... die already.

He found it hard to form thoughts properly. Tears would just sizzle to steam from his eyes. It was too excruciating to make a sound. He remained lying face down, almost motionless in a state of complete surrender. He lay enduring the wait for his end to arrive. Minutes passed. Maybe Hours. Who knows? Time was irrelevant to his immense pain.

He decided to take matters to his own hand. He searched his surrounding for a sharp object, a ravine, a gun or a blunt object—anything just to make things quicker. He saw nothing. He was surrounded by nothing. He contemplated of strangling himself or breaking his neck or pulling out his heart. He had to do something for the pain was no longer bearable. Death by any means would be the most wonderful gift. He knew he had no right to choose. When he was in his twenties, he had dreamed of dying young in the comfort of his bed probably during his sleep or at least in the arms of a loved one. Never in his dreams would he imagine such a gruesome fate as being burned alive.

Alive… why am I still alive? Shouldn’t I be dead by now?

Even if he survived, he knew things will never be the same as combustion is irreversible. He puked embers as he saw his disgusting arms. He saw how some parts of his hands which were not burned form blisters as blood boiled out of his skin. Then he recalled his hands were almost black and bones a while ago. He asked himself why he had skin again. He observed the other parts of his body. He saw how new skin unexplainably grew from the burned flesh, just to be burned again. It was then he realized, he was not going to die, at least not any time soon.

You can’t die. You’re already dead.

He heard a woman’s voice. A silhouette of a woman in a long black dress was approaching from a distance. A familiar feminine scent drifted in between the stench of his burning limbs. She moved towards him as if she was floating on air. She effortlessly drag a man by his collar. The unknown man had his hands tied and was wearing a white cassock. The captive suggested terror in his eyes.

Mother?

Oh Christan, dear. What have you gotten yourself into? But don’t worry, okay? We’ll fix everything. Just do exactly what I say. For starters, take this knife and stab this man right through his heart.

What?!

Didn’t you hear me? Take the knife and kill this man. Simple.

Are you mad? What’s happening? I must be dreaming. Must wake up...

Don’t try to be cute. Do you want a way out of the state you’re in or not?

You’re not my mother. My mother is already dead.

I wish I were, dear, but... Oh wait. I am dead. Hahaha...

What’s happening and why is this happening to me?

Why do you always want everything to be explained? Isn’t it enough that I’m offering you relief? Why don’t we just cut the explanation and go on with the suggestion? Life doesn’t go out of its way to explain itself to you.

OSS # 159: 60 Minutes

2009-03-27T00:00:00.000-07:00

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I just had to do this. I won't be online for the weekend so I'm posting this today. No comic strip still in the next few weeks. The camera is going somewhere without me. That gives me more time to finish the story. I haven't started the last part yet but I already have it in my mind. I'm just too lazy to type.

Have a great weekend everyone! At sa mga magde-date, enjoy.

The Other Side (Part 2)

2009-03-25T02:21:00.000-07:00

(Read the first part here.)

The sight of the full moon gave Christan respite. He had just ordered his driver and household help to take the rest of the weekend off. Manang had precooked his dinner but he left them unwanted. He hungered for something else, something the moon could possibly give.

He sat on a chaise longue strategically positioned near the fireplace – probably the only one in winterless Ayala Alabang. A life-size painting of a woman dressed in a slim black gown hung over the mantel that held mementoes, like the vintage porcelain doll his mother used to play with and the little uninteresting antique treasure chest. With the glow from the fire, he noticed how the balance of light and shadow seemed to make the image of his mother relive the chiaroscuro of a woman she truly was. This portrait of her, with fingers flared and a half-smile, was potent enough to replace all other images he had of her, including the balding look she gracefully carried during her last days.

He was sixteen when they spent her last winter, comforted by a fireplace and the stories of myth and magic her mother has conjured. She was taking a chance with an experimental treatment offered by the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. Other than providing solace for a dying woman and her child, the fireplace witnessed how Christan’s mother cast a lasting impression on him.

Does it hurt?

Not as much as when I see you cry. Christan, dear, will you please bring me the wooden box by the bed?

Christian opened the box and in it was an old book he saw for the first time. The words on the book were hand-written, including some illustrations. The yellowing leaves were fastened between two boards covered with velvet by a ribbon laced through the holes on the pages. The antiquity of the artifact gave Christan the hope that some things could withstand time.

What’s this mom? Some sort of diary?

Well, this is a family treasure. It has been passed on from generation to generation. Since I feel I don’t have much time…

Shhh… don’t say that. We have the best doctors on our case.

Your optimism warms me better than the fire, my child. Now will you please help me remove this necklace, dear?

I’ve never seen you without this gold crucifix, mom. What are you going to do with it?

Take them. They are all yours. I’ll teach you how they will serve you but you must keep it a secret. Promise?

And serve him, they did. Whenever he wanted something, and he could not wait for the proverbial perfect timing, he resorted to the book. More often than not, he got what he wanted, like when he asked manang to buy him a fresh pig’s heart placed in an ice box, which the lady obeyed without hesitation nor suspicion. The book and the charm had been a tangible memory of his mother’s love, and a good provider like a father he never knew.

***

He held the book contemplating on the consequences of the act he was about to commit. Apart from the instructions, the pages of the book came with a warning. He deemed the costs and risks manageable. He took it as a sign seeing the required full moon. Plus time was running out. He had to set aside other worries for later. His concentration was required.

The lawn by the pool whose sole lighting was lunar would have to be the venue. All the elements were in place including his privacy, the full moon, and the light breeze caressing his bareness. He tied his cross-shaped amulet on the yellow candle. He began with silent wail as he lit up the candle on the metal table, designed as a make-shift shrine holding the book, another candle, and a fresh heart of a pig placed on a stainless plate. He then slowly moved around it with a wavy gait. He cried inarticulate sounds of pure emotion while moving around as if in a stupefied dance. He picked up a wooden mallet and hit the fresh pig’s heart with an accompanying loud cry like a shameless scream of supplication. The remaining blood of the animal squirted on his skin. Still in a circular half-random motion around the table, he picked up the yellow candle and lit the red candle and danced.

It has been an hour. His body, matured yet still enviable, continued with alternate back-arching and chest-falling motion, his hands waved as if he had more arms and elbows, his shoulder blade seemed rocked by a soft current while his legs crossed, then stepped, then raised, then lunged carrying his body around the table – all this done with fluidity synchronized to the silent beat of his instinct. His body was an instrument to get what he wants – just like when he got Henry’s attention the first time in bar. Christan imagined attracting Henry this time before the latter was irreversibly attracted to the light.

Another hour passed. His body was ready to stop but he wouldn’t let it. His commune with the elements was not done until a decision has been reached – the approval or denial of his request. The light cool wind has dried his sweat even before it formed but he knew it was not enough. He did not show any decline in intent by maintaining the vigor in his continuous motion for at least two hours. His movements were no longer free but forced by his own resolve. The flame of the candles danced with him but not with the same exertion. The date has changed and above, the moon was still and its light seemed dimmer to Christan. His arms moving in a windmill motion gave an afflicting tug on his shoulders which were becoming tensed. A gust blew sending quivers in his weakening joints, blowing out the flame in the yellow candle.

Christan fell to the ground. He saw the red candle still burning. He smiled and closed his eyes. The wish had been sent to the other side.

to be continued...

The Other Side (Part 1)

2009-03-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Christan will die.

How is he? How critical? Make sure he gets all the treatment he needs. I want the best specialists, you hear me?

He just arrived from Shenzhen – a day before his death – after cutting his business trip short. As soon as he learned about the emergency, he cancelled his entire itinerary and took the first flight back to Manila. He ordered his driver to take the quickest route to the Asian Hospital and Medical Center. It was a matter of life and death but the traffic along Zapote Road was indifferent. He could do no more than call the hospital and demand the best service his money could buy. He was forced to observe the congested city road, how it restricted life’s requirement for motion.

The third time he looked, his Cartier told him that it was already 2:15. The heat from the sun radiated through the rear window stinging his aging nape. Loosening his necktie, he moved to the shaded area in the backseat. He rolled down the window and stuck his head out. His eyes ran as far as it could, assessing how much longer he should bear to be in his leather seat. His fingers were playing with a gold crucifix that hung on his neck while wishing the traffic light to turn green. His mind, trying to escape his current predicament, took a trip to the past.

Do you really have to go? I don’t get why you have to expand your business overseas. You have more than enough. You have no idea how hard it is to wait.

Henry’s question has been circling his head. Christan gave logical, practical and even poetic answers the first few times Henry asked him – it was for their future; it was a financial adventure; it wasn’t expansion, it was diversification; you couldn’t rely on just one business alone; he wanted to tour the world with him when they retire, early; life, including money and business, is about growth, not stagnation. All his previous answers seemed irrational as the fear of arriving too late hit him. He suddenly felt he shouldn’t have gone.

***

Hang on, Henry. Please. I’m coming.

Christan pushed the ‘close’ button repeatedly not bothering to know if anyone would want to get in. Watching the electronic display count from 2 to 5 could have been the longest minute in his life. He jolted out between the half open sliding doors, not knowing whether to go left or right. He dashed under a lintel labeled “TO ICU”. He swerved trying to avoid a couple of nurses and wheelchairs. He couldn’t comprehend why everybody moved slowly as if there was no urgency to heal. He reached Henry's room which was open. What he saw struck him motionless. He found it difficult to grasp for air even after sprinting – from the car to stop for information at the concierge then travelling via the elevator, and finally to the room with an empty bed.

A cleaning lady was changing the sheets. He looked at her with jaw dropped, eyes wide in astonishment and close to tears. The question would not escape his mouth. The cleaning lady, guessing what the speechless observer wanted to say, told him that the patient was transferred to the operating room. He heard it – operating room, not morgue. He prayed he heard her right.

Sorry sir but visitors can only go up to here. This is a delicate procedure and could possibly last for 6 hours. By that time, the visiting hours are over. Only one family member is allowed to stay with the patient overnight. His sister already left. Is it your turn to watch over the patient? Are you a family member?

The visitor shook his head with hesitation. The man in white closed the door, leaving Christan at the other side.

(Click here for continuation.)

OSS # 158: Dumb

2009-03-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

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There will be no comic strips for next week or until I can decide whether I want to end the storyline in an over-the-top fashion or make it anti-climactic. Plus I'm busy with some other challenges. You'll find out what it's about next week. :)

OSS # 157: Do Something

2009-03-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 156: Kidnap

2009-03-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 155: Concealer

2009-03-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

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OSS # 154: Brilliant Plan

2009-03-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

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